It is okay to want to know about a woman’s husband and marriage. But there are some questions you should never ask woman whose husband is incarcerated in prison.
Prison wives are usually sensitive about issues regarding their incarcerated husbands. So, there are some questions to never ask them because they are too personal for comfort and smirk of insensitivity.
5 Questions You Should Never Ask a Women with a Husband in Prison
Renee Patterson speaks to prison wives all the time. As a prison daughter, sister, niece and cousin, she meets, bumps into and engages with these women almost daily. According to what she knows as a prison loved one, these are her suggestions on questions you should never ask a prison wife, unless you want to offender her:
1. Questions you should never ask a prison wife: What crime did you husband commit?
It is natural to be curious about what a man did criminally to get put away. But, it isn’t always respectful to ask. According to Sabrina Hernandez, a prison wife from Los Angeles, CA, asking reduces the inmate to what he is charged with, not who he is in life. It dehumanizes the prison inmate and criminalizes him even more. Hernandez says:
“Yes, these men have been convicted of various crimes, But, on the inside, they are still human beings. Even those who are ultimately “bad guys” are often someone’s husband, father, son, brother, uncle, nephew, cousin and friend.”
2. Questions you should never ask a prison wife: Do you miss having sex with your husband?
People assume married couples should have sex as frequently as possible. They believe lovers should have sex at all time, at every turn. So, many will ask a prison wife:
“Don’t you miss having sex?”
Well, prison wives miss sex a lot. But, they sure don’t want to discuss that private affair with you. Wanting to know if they’ve had sex with their husbands while visiting in prisons is very disrespectful to these dedicated women.
Couples living together on the outside don’t want to discuss their sex lives with friends and strangers. So, why would a prison wife do that with you?
3. Questions you should never ask a prison wife: Why did you marry an inmate in prison?
People are curious to know why a woman married her incarcerated lover in prison. It would be nice to satisfy this curiosity, but it isn’t respectful to ask.
Family members and close friends may want to know. And, that’s hard enough for prison fiances turned wives to cope with, as they try to keep it all together. But, acquaintances and coworkers would do best to not ask at all.
Marrying a convicted prisoner is a personal decision. It must be respected and left as such.
4. Questions you should never ask a prison wife: Did you meet him on one of those prison penpal or prison dating websites?
It is true that many prison wives met their husbands on prison dating sites. But, asking to be certain if a particular woman met her spouse on such a site is plain disrespectful.
People have got to meet somewhere and at some point. So, don’t bother asking where a prison wife met her, husband because the question won’t go down well with her.
5. Questions you should never ask a prison wife: Do you and your incarcerated husband ever plan on having children?
Many prison wives plan on having children with their incarcerated husbands at some point in their lives. Many states allow for conjugal visits (now called family visits) that last a whole weekend in some isolated prison facility.
In most cases, the places are set up like little apartments. The main purpose is to allow these women, along with their children, to continue personal bonds with their husbands and prison dads.
However, conjugal visits also allow married couples to have sex. So, some do plan and have children while their husbands are locked away.
But, it is not your duty to ask such questions because it makes them very uncomfortable. Unless, of course, you’re planning on giving them children!