My Life is NOT Depressing

I finally saw my boo yesterday. It had been almost two months. I had some medical problems that had me on crutches. But, the crutches were by choice, not subscribed by a doctor. Because of that, I was unable to take the crutches into the prison. So, I had to wait until I was better to visit.

I guess that’s why, for the first time, I cried when it was time to leave. I didn’t even cry the first time I visited. But, this time was different. I missed him so much. I had never gone over three weeks without visiting him. It had been two whole months.

After our ritualistic game of scrabble, (I beat, as usual), we just sat for awhile. We enjoyed just holding hands and the stillness. Yes, stillness. There’s a stillness that is creating by most prison couples in love at some point in a visit. It comes at a moment when you realize that the time to leave is within the hour.

That moment of stillness is created by couples who have a very high intimacy level between them. It gives them the power of shutting out the rest of the world. At that moment, you are the only two people in the room, in the world. It’s not a sexual moment, in anyway. It’s an intimate moment where your hearts start to beat together, you can hear each others’ breaths, and that small physical gesture (something as simple as holding hands) is your greatest pleasure at that moment. You just look into each others’ eyes, and let them do the talking. And, trust me, during those moments of stillness, your eyes can say it all.

Our moment of stillness lasted a very long time yesterday. It was finally interrupted by guard I like to call Richard Rimirez (He’s my fave, in spite of the ugly nickname.). Our visit was over. Time to go. It took all I had not to cry like a baby. Maybe had I been watching the clock, like any other time, I wouldn’t have been caught off guard. But, he interrupted our moment. And, that made me sad. So, I cried (but not like a baby. lol.).

Someone asked me the other day if this ever gets depressing. I told him no. But, thinking about yesterday, I had to revisit that question. I must say no again. I love this man. We have a connection that is unbreakable. Our bond has lasted for over 20 years. Do certain aspects of being in love with a prisoner make me sad or even frustrated sometimes? Of course. I’d be lying if I said no. But, is it depressing? Impossible.

This is the life I was given. I have to make the best of it. I actually like my life because I like who it made me out to be. Because, I like me. So, no, it’s not depressing simply because I have been lucky enough to find a great best friend, who ended up being the love of my life. I have found my soulmate. He is my happiness.

Thanks for listening.
The Prisoner’s Fiance

Don’t forget to check out the update to my blog dedicated to being “The Prisoner’s Daughter”!

  • One of my favorite tweeters @ShakimaJones asked me a great question about this blog. She asked me to explain the part where I say "This is the life I was given" as opposed to saying I chose it.

    It's true that I do have a choice as to whether or not I want to be a prison fiance. But, as we all know, we do not get to choose who we fall in love with. That's in the hands of a higher power. When it's a true love, your best bet is to submit to it because it was chosen by God.

    Even though I choose to submit, I still believe that I have no choice, BUT to submit. That's what having faith in a higher power is all about. I don't have a choice because I must submit to His will.

    What do you think followers?